Random thoughts

I woke up this morning with a myriad of thoughts going through my mind; all as a result of reading “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. I am not going to write a review of the book, which would not be possible as I have only read the introduction and a couple of pages of the first chapter. I am going to share my random thoughts.

What does ‘I’ mean to me? One of the most difficult questions for me to answer is ‘who am I’.  You see ‘I’ , for me is not about identity. ‘I’ am nothing and everything, ‘I’ goes beyond what I can describe in words. Sure there are labels that would describe me ‘white’,  ‘female’, middle-aged’, mother, grandmother, student, South African, English-speaking, in a relationship, sister, aunt, etc… But all those things are merely labels - it is not who ‘I’ am. ‘I’ is an essence that goes beyond this physical body and yet it is the very core of what is. Anyway, that was the train of one of the random thoughts.

Awareness. Eckhart Tolle speaks of the time he first became aware, which got me thinking about my own awareness. The first thing that popped into my mind was an incident that happened many years ago, shortly after the passing of my husband. I was missing him and so I carried little items that he had given me in my handbag (or purse as some people call it). At work I would store my bag in my credenza next to my desk and one day someone called me outside and on my return I discovered that my bag had been stolen. I went into a rage because all that I held dear was gone, I had the entire office searching for my bag, but it was never found. That night I was lying in bed thinking about what had happened, silently accusing all and sundry in the office of either not watching my stuff or ‘maybe it was that person who stole it’ when suddenly a peace descended with the thought that it was just ‘stuff’. It did not actually matter who had taken it or even that it was gone because it was just something to which I had formed an attachment and it was not necessary.  Whether or not this is awareness for others it was for me because it brought me a sense of peace and clarity that the attachment to material things is an illusion. Perhaps I need to re-evaluate why I have a storage unit full of ‘stuff’…

Nothingness, unconsciousness, consciousness or nothingness, thought, word, action. This is another random rambling of my mind, sparked by ‘A New Earth’. Please do not expect an elaboration; I have none at this stage.

Intention is meaningless without action. Yesterday I stated that my intention was to use this blog to express my emotions, etc around my studies. While the above appears to have nothing to do with my studies it in fact has everything to do with my approach to my studies. A few of the modules that I have registered for require written assignments and written exams and these are my bugbears.  I have an unexplained fear of written exams as opposed to multiple choice question papers and when it comes to writing an assignment my tendency to procrastinate kicks in.  I leave assignments that in fact require greater effort than all the others, to the last minute thereby setting myself up for stress which would otherwise not be present. So what has this to do with my approach to my studies?  Simply put, I am hoping that by writing in my blog I will become more comfortable with the process and as I work through my modules, for which I have also started blogs, the writing will flow in a more organized fashion.

This post is undoubtedly a very good example of disorganized thought, I did not introduce the topic nor have I summarized the contents in my conclusion, factors that are essential in academic writing. However it is early days and I am confident that these issues will be resolved.